It turned out that all my worries were for naught. One who fails to review its own history is doomed to repeat the failure. By now, I should have learned to believe in myself bit more, but my nagging insecurity stops me at dead track. My licensing examination, as it turned out, only needed to ask me the bare minimum amount of questions before deeming that I was fit to receive the license to practice. I expected to receive the actual license in a month, given all the talk about layoffs in state government center. I ended up receiving the license in five days after the examination. In a hard-shelled envelop, no less. It still does not seem quite real, and yet, my name is there, spelled correctly.
Job hunting has been, nothing less of frustrating experience. Sadly, it has been an ongoing experience. Most of places I placed my hopes on retracted on job openings, and the my fallback plan has failed as I missed out on deadline by one week. For good five months, I have been eating (and over-indulging) on humble cake and licking my wounds while still working in same job I have had for last four years.
By recommendations of my parents, I took two detours and almost ready to step into the next chapter of my mundane, and ever chaotic life. Instead of stubbornly insisting on finding a job in hospital, I took whatever I can take, and take them as an extension of learning experience on both my skill and life lesson. Life is never predictable (and I should have known this well by now).
First new job is in school. My sister laughs at the thought of me working with "snot-nosed brat", and that is exactly what is going on every few weeks. Their lies are transparent, and they are blissfully unaware of the fact that I knew too well to believe their words, but for whatever its worth, they will keep on lying about their stomachache. It is not entirely true to lump them up as a lie, as fundamental difference lies within multiple factors such as family and other interpersonal dynamics. In other words, they may complain of stomachache because something bothers them, let it be parents, friends, class or sometimes, even their lunch. Never feed a child with two hot dogs, a bowl of chili and ice cream at same time. That is all I have to say for now.
Second new job, which I will start shortly, involves more traditional setting. However, my practice most likely involves smaller sets of skills and in more mundane routine. I think I will be able to work through first few months purely on adrenaline filled nervousness and anticipation of working in new environment, but after that, I am not too sure. I had to go through two shots of PPD, and chest X-Ray. Now I have this ugly scars on my arms that might go away in few months, and in need of new uniform.
I really blew up the chance to meet my friends around last Christmas, and I am truly sorry for what I have done. What started out as a case of miscommunication had turned into something pretty ugly, and I am not proud of that.
School:
Starting a new term in March 2010. Most likely take out most of my tax return.
Well-being:
Tasting something fishy, is it from my dinner or am I tasting my own blood?
Job:
I requested a schedule change with a letter of resignation, just in case they could not accommodate my request, and now everyone thinks I am quitting. Whatever happened to my request? Have they forgotten about it? Have they decided that it cannot be done? Just what is going on here?
Starting my second new job in one week.
Reading:
Book: What Americans Really Want... Really: The Truth About Our Hopes, Dreams and Fears by Frank Luntz
Manga: Ai Yori Aoshi (by Fumizaki Kou), Dorothea (by Cuvie), and Happy Negative Marriage (by Amazume Ryuta)
Playing:
Just waiting patiently on Star Ocean: Last Hope International Edition
Soon: Final Fantasy XIII, Sakura Taisen: Good Bye My Love
Two-Cents (does not improve your scratch lottery winning odds):
"Happy Negative Marriage" is so spot-on, it hurts me to the core. I feel like peeping into my inner most fear and it describes myself so well in so many levels, it depresses me. I am getting quite close to that age, and I fear that I may not even have such comical luck (as in real life).
My big boss' wife (also another boss) dropped by to observe how the place is being run. She pretty much laid out that my abrupt resignation will not bode well for the store. I doubt that they will offer to match my new salary (50% hike), so they will have to scratch, bite and crawl to keep the place operating. That, and another person in my department recently handed her resignation letter (four year veteran), so things are not all rosy in my soon-to-be-former workplace.
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